I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
