honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
