i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I've blown a few things in my day
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
