I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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