My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
