I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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