i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
