she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize