Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
