when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
