i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize