So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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