How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
