Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
