You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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