I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
