i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
