i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
