just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
