Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
