the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
