I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
