Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
