Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
