Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
