You smell like a Billy Joel song
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
