Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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