If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
