just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize