did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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