Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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