His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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