he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
whose ass print is on the piano?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
