In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
