I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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