he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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