I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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