K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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