I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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