meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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