its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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