Taylor Swift is so right about you.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
