6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
