to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
