Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
