Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
