You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
