Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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