Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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