i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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