Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
