It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
