I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize