I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
