if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
