To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
