Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
