ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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