that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Sext me about skeletons
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
