i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
