guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
COCAINE IS GR8
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
