I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
