to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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