wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
