the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
