i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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