I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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