Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize