i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
