what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
