sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
