ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
