put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
