I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
