fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
