I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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