You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
