I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
