he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
