Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
