My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
