Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize