you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
