Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
