I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize