His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
