More tranny stories later!
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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