you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize