Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
