I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
smell my finger.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
