Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
