allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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