this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
