ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i out mim tonsoeep
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
