and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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