We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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