ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
