I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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