Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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