You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
