if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
