i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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