There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
